Screwed.edu
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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