I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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