giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
