Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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