Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
