I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
