I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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