How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize