I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
