Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
