I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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