i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The Olympian is in my bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
