I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
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