My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
