Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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