you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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