"it" just moved
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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