I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
