last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
