I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize