walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
