Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
where are my eyebrows?
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