why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize