She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
