Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize