Michael Bay diarrhea
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
