Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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