We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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