So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
