i think my tv is drunk
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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