3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
