It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
