just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
