Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
