Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
