M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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