Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
