he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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