Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
