hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
