We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
