Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
