flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
