Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
