it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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