Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
