I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
