she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
