Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
