Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
