David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize