If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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