Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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