hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
