Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
