i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
