Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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