she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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