All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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