ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
