white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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