I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
