Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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