I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
