You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
