Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
