Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
