Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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