she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
