I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
