So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
