I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Screwed.edu
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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