white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
