I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
