The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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