Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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