either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
