she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
