Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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