i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need to stop coming to work sober
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
