My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
