so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
