she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
