Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
