I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
