he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
