so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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